MURYOKO
'Infinite Light'
Journal of Shin Buddhism
Harold Stewart
The Futility of Self Power
After repeated failure, I have at last been forced to realize that self-power alone cannot discipline the passions without doing oneself a deep-seated mischief and inviting revenge by the demons within. As Honen ruefully remarked: 'It is a terrible fact that devils always get in the way of those who are striving for Buddhahood.'
Not only can my individual will do nothing about giving up or controlling my desires and habits, but I cannot even abstain from negative self-effort. Whether I act or not, whether I do good, evil, or neutral deeds, I can only accumulate more karma and place further obstructions in the way of the working of the Other Power in me. Not until I am reduced to helpless desperation by this impasse can the grip of my ego on this life, what Buddhism calls 'craving and clinging', be broken once and for all. Abandoning all attempts to extricate myself from this existential dilemma as futile, I must as a last resort turn to Amida and throw myself completely and unconditionally on his Divine Compassion, which can never be refused.
For the pure action-of-presence of Amida, who appears in his Name in response to the supplicant's cry for help, is alone sufficient to dispel the demons of doubt and distraction. 'Evils are not to be feared, for no evil can hinder the fulfilment of Amida's Vow'. Only when the seeker has come to realize the ineffectuality of all his exertions to save himself, only after his egoistic will is committed to self-abandonment with the utmost sincerity, can Amida Buddha come to his aid. Then he bestows his gratuitous blessing of Boundless Light (or Pure Consciousness) that transcends space, and his Endless Life (or Pure Being) that transcends time. Unhindered by interference from the self, the Divine Name filled with Faith will repeat itself spontaneously in the devotee's inmost Heart and flood his whole being with its miraculous graces of Compassion and Wisdom in joy and peace.
I am reduced to the limits of my endurance of endless suffering in this Samsaric Round, where action and reaction incessantly produce and destroy the transient forms of this and other worlds. But now, by petitionary prayer to Amida, I make still another Metaphysical mistake. By imploring him to rescue me from the three evil rebirths as Pig, Cock, and Snake, I tacitly assert an 'I' who requests and a 'Thou' who is entreated to respond, thereby perpetuating the very religious duality that must be transcended! As I beg Amida to transform the Cock of Purgatory into the Phoenix of Paradise, suddenly I am struck by a realization of this error and I correct my petitionary approach as soon as this insight tells me that there is in reality no 'I', only a 'Thou'. By the fulfilment of his Forty-eight Vows ten kalpas ago, Amida has already assured all beings of Liberation from suffering (duhkha), impermanence (anitya), and illusory selfhood (anatma). So petitionary prayer is not only needless, it betrays a lack of Insight into the Buddha's Omniconsciousness and a want of Faith in his providence for the spiritual needs of all.